Well, that wait was shorter than I had anticipated! The birth mom chose another family.
I had mixed feelings when our case worker called. I was -not surprised-, since I am used to things not working out. I was -thankful- because it was my hope that if it was not going to work out in the end that she would not pick us anyway. (I think this was a sign that it wasn't going to work out well anyway, since there were so many risky issues.) I was -humbled- at the thought that I believed our profile was so awesome, everyone would want to choose us. I was -sad- that there we are one step backward when I thought we were taking a big step forward. I was -glad- that this means we go right back on "the list", which means we are once again ready to wait for our baby. I was -mad-....just because sometimes through all of this I get mad. I was -anxious- because this means I go right back to having my heart rate quicken and my palms get all sweaty when I don't recognize a phone number. I was -grateful- that there was a birth mom out there who was making a courageous decision and not taking the "easy way out", and though she didn't choose us, she is trusting a family with her very precious gift...and I know they will be forever grateful.
Tonight, I am -fine- because I know if it had been meant to be, it would have been....and apparently it wasn't. So, tonight I am fine.
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