Nothing.
That's exactly what's going on with our adoption wait right now. In reality, I know that there is something more "grand" going on behind the scenes that I'm not aware of....but, as far as I'm concerned, nothing is going on.
Every once in a while I find myself agonizing over it. I'm ready. I'm tired of all the waiting. Not knowing. It's not fair. Yadda, yadda, yadda. It's becoming more frequent and I wish it wasn't....but, such is life. I think it's a woman thing, we are born to agonize over little (and not so little!) things. I want so badly to be oblivious to it and not think about it. That wouldn't be real though. I think this is all normal for this situation. So, we wait!
Are there any questions you have? Anything you've been wondering about our adoption process so far, or adoption in general? Ask away! I need a new blog topic! :) Shoot me a comment or an email and I'll answer your questions in blog form...or privately if you prefer!! Have a good night!!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Tonight...I am fine.
Well, that wait was shorter than I had anticipated! The birth mom chose another family.
I had mixed feelings when our case worker called. I was -not surprised-, since I am used to things not working out. I was -thankful- because it was my hope that if it was not going to work out in the end that she would not pick us anyway. (I think this was a sign that it wasn't going to work out well anyway, since there were so many risky issues.) I was -humbled- at the thought that I believed our profile was so awesome, everyone would want to choose us. I was -sad- that there we are one step backward when I thought we were taking a big step forward. I was -glad- that this means we go right back on "the list", which means we are once again ready to wait for our baby. I was -mad-....just because sometimes through all of this I get mad. I was -anxious- because this means I go right back to having my heart rate quicken and my palms get all sweaty when I don't recognize a phone number. I was -grateful- that there was a birth mom out there who was making a courageous decision and not taking the "easy way out", and though she didn't choose us, she is trusting a family with her very precious gift...and I know they will be forever grateful.
Tonight, I am -fine- because I know if it had been meant to be, it would have been....and apparently it wasn't. So, tonight I am fine.
I had mixed feelings when our case worker called. I was -not surprised-, since I am used to things not working out. I was -thankful- because it was my hope that if it was not going to work out in the end that she would not pick us anyway. (I think this was a sign that it wasn't going to work out well anyway, since there were so many risky issues.) I was -humbled- at the thought that I believed our profile was so awesome, everyone would want to choose us. I was -sad- that there we are one step backward when I thought we were taking a big step forward. I was -glad- that this means we go right back on "the list", which means we are once again ready to wait for our baby. I was -mad-....just because sometimes through all of this I get mad. I was -anxious- because this means I go right back to having my heart rate quicken and my palms get all sweaty when I don't recognize a phone number. I was -grateful- that there was a birth mom out there who was making a courageous decision and not taking the "easy way out", and though she didn't choose us, she is trusting a family with her very precious gift...and I know they will be forever grateful.
Tonight, I am -fine- because I know if it had been meant to be, it would have been....and apparently it wasn't. So, tonight I am fine.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Waiting and wondering!
As the week goes on, I find myself wondering what "our" potential birth mom is doing....besides trying to make the biggest decision of her life! I hope that she is comforted a little while looking at profiles, knowing that there are many people out there waiting to give a loving home to a baby. I think of her tonight and hope she knows how corageous she is.
I've been trying to keep it off my mind so I don't make myself crazy. My sister told me today that she was about to go nuts wondering if she was going to be an aunt in a few months. It took me a minute to realize she was talking about me!
I'm wondering too, but we will find out soon enough if we were chosen or not. In the meantime, to keep myself from wondering *too much* I will: pin lots of stuff to my boards on pinterest, work, exercise (a little), find some easy sewing projects for Grace to work on, return some books to the library, wait to meet my baby nephew for the first time who will be visiting from Washington soon, and fantasize about baby names and nursery schemes! A girl has to dream right?!
I hold onto the thought that if it's meant to be, it will be! Hopefully in a couple of days, we will know. In the meantime, I've got boards to pin to! Speaking of pinning, what do you think of this necklace I've pinned? I totally want one.
I've been trying to keep it off my mind so I don't make myself crazy. My sister told me today that she was about to go nuts wondering if she was going to be an aunt in a few months. It took me a minute to realize she was talking about me!
I'm wondering too, but we will find out soon enough if we were chosen or not. In the meantime, to keep myself from wondering *too much* I will: pin lots of stuff to my boards on pinterest, work, exercise (a little), find some easy sewing projects for Grace to work on, return some books to the library, wait to meet my baby nephew for the first time who will be visiting from Washington soon, and fantasize about baby names and nursery schemes! A girl has to dream right?!
I hold onto the thought that if it's meant to be, it will be! Hopefully in a couple of days, we will know. In the meantime, I've got boards to pin to! Speaking of pinning, what do you think of this necklace I've pinned? I totally want one.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
One small step for us....
One giant leap for my heart. I received a call at work Wed. from our caseworker. She had some information on a prospective birthmom and needed to know if we would like the birthmom to view our profile. We received a lot of information, which was overwhelming, but exciting. This would be the first time our profile would be shown, if we chose to. My hands were shaky, my heart was pounding, and my mind was in shambles. Our caseworker said she would email me all of the details she had so we could look over them and discuss them. She would need to know by Fri morning at the latest. Friday morning?! That was 1.5 days away!! Oy.
You would think that our answer would be so easy! Screaming a simple "yes" was what I pictured our first profile showing answer would be. But, if I've learned anything, it's that things don't always go how you would picture them! :) The thing is, this particular case comes with some pretty high risk situations. [Not with the baby though, she is perfectly healthy according to sonogram!] :)
A lot of things had to be considered; mostly emotions. Mainly, how would we feel if this didn't work out? Seems like we've been in that sort of situation somewhere before! ;) After we talked about it, we knew we would do what our first instincts told us to do, and we agreed to have our profile shown! It may seem such a small step, because all of these "what if's" won't even matter if she chooses another family's profile. But, it is a huge leap of faith for my heart!
We won't know for about a week if she will choose us or not. In the meantime, I'll try not to go too crazy! :) I've just got to believe that if it's meant to be, that we will be chosen. If it's not meant to be, and she doesn't choose us, we will go on and know that the right birthparent is out there looking for us. Whoever they are, whether it be the birth mom who will see our life in letters and pictures next week, or one who will view it in the future, we continue to think of them and the selfless act they are choosing for their baby. Please think of us as we wait this week out! Also, please give a thought to this birth mom that she will find comfort in the decision she makes. We are anxious and excited to see what happens!!
You would think that our answer would be so easy! Screaming a simple "yes" was what I pictured our first profile showing answer would be. But, if I've learned anything, it's that things don't always go how you would picture them! :) The thing is, this particular case comes with some pretty high risk situations. [Not with the baby though, she is perfectly healthy according to sonogram!] :)
A lot of things had to be considered; mostly emotions. Mainly, how would we feel if this didn't work out? Seems like we've been in that sort of situation somewhere before! ;) After we talked about it, we knew we would do what our first instincts told us to do, and we agreed to have our profile shown! It may seem such a small step, because all of these "what if's" won't even matter if she chooses another family's profile. But, it is a huge leap of faith for my heart!
We won't know for about a week if she will choose us or not. In the meantime, I'll try not to go too crazy! :) I've just got to believe that if it's meant to be, that we will be chosen. If it's not meant to be, and she doesn't choose us, we will go on and know that the right birthparent is out there looking for us. Whoever they are, whether it be the birth mom who will see our life in letters and pictures next week, or one who will view it in the future, we continue to think of them and the selfless act they are choosing for their baby. Please think of us as we wait this week out! Also, please give a thought to this birth mom that she will find comfort in the decision she makes. We are anxious and excited to see what happens!!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
In the last year.....
It has been one year (yes, one.whole.year.) since we decided that we would love to build our family through adoption. One year, indeed. In adoption terms, I can't say that the year has been especially easy and I can't say that it's been especially hard. I don't really know how to classify the last year.
In the last year, we decided on adoption. We researched agencies and got really excited when I thought we found one. We started with that agency only to find out it wasn't the right one. We began the application process over again and have found the agency we love. I feel that in my heart this is the one for us and we will eventually meet our baby through them.
In the last year, we have learned more about ourselves than I think even we cared to know, thanks to our little "frenemy" we like to refer to as the homestudy. While the homestudy appears to be the most wretched thing, it really wasn't all that bad....just "intrusive" I guess. But, that is fine, because I want our agency to know that we are good people and that we have absolutely nothing to hide.
In the last year, I have had my fair share of baby envy. There is absolutely nothing in the world I can do to make that go away. Until I have my baby and know what it's like to have my very own baby (and I will someday!), I will be envious of those who know what that feels like. Please don't confuse this with "pregnancy envy". Totally different.
In the last year, I made 5 profile books and to date, not a single one of them have been shown. I think this is pretty typical, since they have only been done and officially ready for about 3 months.
In the last year, I have gained a nephew that I get to love on very often. I think this baby has made this last year not seem so long.
In the last year, I have told one million people that we are waiting to adopt. Ok, ok, not one million, but a lot! I would never hide the fact that we want to add to our family by adoption. I am very excited to tell our story and what we have been through so far and what we look forward to happening. Of course our family and friends know we are waiting, but I have also shared it with patients at work, the mail-lady, even several car salesmen we dealt with when buying our new car! I love to answer questions and love to share our story in hopes that it will shed light on adoption, because a lot of people are clueless to it....and that's ok!
In the last year, I have looked for blogs, books, and magazines to read regarding adoption. A lot of the blogs I have found are for international adoption, or are very religious adoption blogs. While I think both are great, I am looking for one that is similar to our situation....a couple waiting on a domestic infant adoption. They have to be out there somewhere! :) If you know of a blog anything like that, please let me know. It feels great to relate to someone going through a similar situation.
In the last year, I have thought about who our baby's birth parents would be. Teenage high school students, wanting to go to college? Young adult parents just not quite ready to be parents? Someone battling an illness with drugs/alcohol who want a better life for their baby? No matter what walk of life they come from, our baby will always know that their birth parents loved them and made the hardest decision of their lives to allow us to love them also and be their parents.
In the last year, I have answered many adoption questions for Grace....or tried to anyway. She wants to know a lot of the same questions I do, but have no answers for! Where will the baby come from? How long will we have to wait? Will we get to meet the baby's parents? Do I think they will look like us at all? (And for the record, my good friend adopted and their now-3-year-old baby looks just like them!). You better believe as soon as we have any of these answers, Grace will be the first to know!
What have you done in the last year?!
In the last year, we decided on adoption. We researched agencies and got really excited when I thought we found one. We started with that agency only to find out it wasn't the right one. We began the application process over again and have found the agency we love. I feel that in my heart this is the one for us and we will eventually meet our baby through them.
In the last year, we have learned more about ourselves than I think even we cared to know, thanks to our little "frenemy" we like to refer to as the homestudy. While the homestudy appears to be the most wretched thing, it really wasn't all that bad....just "intrusive" I guess. But, that is fine, because I want our agency to know that we are good people and that we have absolutely nothing to hide.
In the last year, I have had my fair share of baby envy. There is absolutely nothing in the world I can do to make that go away. Until I have my baby and know what it's like to have my very own baby (and I will someday!), I will be envious of those who know what that feels like. Please don't confuse this with "pregnancy envy". Totally different.
In the last year, I made 5 profile books and to date, not a single one of them have been shown. I think this is pretty typical, since they have only been done and officially ready for about 3 months.
In the last year, I have gained a nephew that I get to love on very often. I think this baby has made this last year not seem so long.
In the last year, I have told one million people that we are waiting to adopt. Ok, ok, not one million, but a lot! I would never hide the fact that we want to add to our family by adoption. I am very excited to tell our story and what we have been through so far and what we look forward to happening. Of course our family and friends know we are waiting, but I have also shared it with patients at work, the mail-lady, even several car salesmen we dealt with when buying our new car! I love to answer questions and love to share our story in hopes that it will shed light on adoption, because a lot of people are clueless to it....and that's ok!
In the last year, I have looked for blogs, books, and magazines to read regarding adoption. A lot of the blogs I have found are for international adoption, or are very religious adoption blogs. While I think both are great, I am looking for one that is similar to our situation....a couple waiting on a domestic infant adoption. They have to be out there somewhere! :) If you know of a blog anything like that, please let me know. It feels great to relate to someone going through a similar situation.
In the last year, I have thought about who our baby's birth parents would be. Teenage high school students, wanting to go to college? Young adult parents just not quite ready to be parents? Someone battling an illness with drugs/alcohol who want a better life for their baby? No matter what walk of life they come from, our baby will always know that their birth parents loved them and made the hardest decision of their lives to allow us to love them also and be their parents.
In the last year, I have answered many adoption questions for Grace....or tried to anyway. She wants to know a lot of the same questions I do, but have no answers for! Where will the baby come from? How long will we have to wait? Will we get to meet the baby's parents? Do I think they will look like us at all? (And for the record, my good friend adopted and their now-3-year-old baby looks just like them!). You better believe as soon as we have any of these answers, Grace will be the first to know!
What have you done in the last year?!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
I've not had much to say lately.....well, much to say on the adoption blog home front anyway! I was right about the holidays keeping us busy and not dwelling too much on the waiting game. BUT, now that Christmas is over....ack! I've made somewhat of a "bucket list" for 2012, which you can see over here on my "regular blog"! One of them was to make sure that I blog better in 2012. Hoping I can check that off my bucket list on Dec 31 this year!
I had pretty much convinced myself that this would be the last Christmas that I would be baby-less. We'll see I guess. We received an email from our caseworker yesterday with a new year form, similar to one we've signed already...pretty much just agency policies and procedures. I was shocked when I read this one that said the average wait from turning in profiles to placement was 18 months**. EIGHTEEN MONTHS?!?! For some reason, I've been telling myself the average was 6-9 months. Not sure where I even got that thought at, but anyway. I was pretty heart broken for a little bit, but I have to remember not to dwell on the waiting. We never know when it will be and I will just make myself crazy thinking about it. **Part of that esitmation included an adoption that took 62 months. I'm hoping that the estimate was high mostly because of that.
We had a wonderful Christmas with lots of parties and food and presents! Uh, did I just say presents? Yes I did. Ahem. I will never complain about having to visit so many places for the holidays because I feel so blessed to have so many celebrations (not for the presents)! Grace had such a good time and loved getting to see all of her cousins that we don't get to see all of the time. She fared pretty well this year scoring a laptop from Santa and almost everything else that she asked for. She is growing up so fast, I'm afraid we are nearing the end of the Santa believing, though she hasn't given any sign of non-believing just yet!
We hope you had a wonderful Christmas as well filled with everything you love! Here's to hoping next year we'll have an extra Santa hat in our Christmas card picture!
I had pretty much convinced myself that this would be the last Christmas that I would be baby-less. We'll see I guess. We received an email from our caseworker yesterday with a new year form, similar to one we've signed already...pretty much just agency policies and procedures. I was shocked when I read this one that said the average wait from turning in profiles to placement was 18 months**. EIGHTEEN MONTHS?!?! For some reason, I've been telling myself the average was 6-9 months. Not sure where I even got that thought at, but anyway. I was pretty heart broken for a little bit, but I have to remember not to dwell on the waiting. We never know when it will be and I will just make myself crazy thinking about it. **Part of that esitmation included an adoption that took 62 months. I'm hoping that the estimate was high mostly because of that.
We had a wonderful Christmas with lots of parties and food and presents! Uh, did I just say presents? Yes I did. Ahem. I will never complain about having to visit so many places for the holidays because I feel so blessed to have so many celebrations (not for the presents)! Grace had such a good time and loved getting to see all of her cousins that we don't get to see all of the time. She fared pretty well this year scoring a laptop from Santa and almost everything else that she asked for. She is growing up so fast, I'm afraid we are nearing the end of the Santa believing, though she hasn't given any sign of non-believing just yet!
We hope you had a wonderful Christmas as well filled with everything you love! Here's to hoping next year we'll have an extra Santa hat in our Christmas card picture!
Friday, December 2, 2011
It's been 1 month.....
WHERE IS OUR BABY?!?!
What's that you say? 1 month is nothing? I know, I know. I'm just kidding. Kind of.
It's been 1 month since we were told that we were officially on the "wait list" to adopt. To be honest, I've not been going crazy like I thought I would. Thankfully, it's the holidays so we're busy with all that comes with that. On the flip side, it's the holidays and I had really hoped that we would have another stocking to hang this year. *Sigh*
We've got our 60 day monitoring visit with our caseworker in a couple of weeks. I'm sure she won't have anything to tell us, but I'll be glad to see her. She's great.
I plan on getting some more adoption books soon and spending a lot of time reading and educating myself more on adoption. We've gotten a couple of suggestions of books...if you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!
We had a good Thanksgiving this year. Lots to be thankful for. We had dinner with our families and played fun games. Grace and I shopped a little, though not crazy black friday shopping! We filled our thankful tree with lots of paper leaves listing all of our thankfuls and we stuffed ourselves crazy. I'm hoping that this post finds you as thankful as we are and that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
I continue to think of the birth parents who are struggling with the decisions they will be making. As anxious as I am to be chosen, I keep in mind that there is someone out there who will make our dream come true and I must be patient....as hard as it is! :)
What's that you say? 1 month is nothing? I know, I know. I'm just kidding. Kind of.
It's been 1 month since we were told that we were officially on the "wait list" to adopt. To be honest, I've not been going crazy like I thought I would. Thankfully, it's the holidays so we're busy with all that comes with that. On the flip side, it's the holidays and I had really hoped that we would have another stocking to hang this year. *Sigh*
We've got our 60 day monitoring visit with our caseworker in a couple of weeks. I'm sure she won't have anything to tell us, but I'll be glad to see her. She's great.
I plan on getting some more adoption books soon and spending a lot of time reading and educating myself more on adoption. We've gotten a couple of suggestions of books...if you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!
We had a good Thanksgiving this year. Lots to be thankful for. We had dinner with our families and played fun games. Grace and I shopped a little, though not crazy black friday shopping! We filled our thankful tree with lots of paper leaves listing all of our thankfuls and we stuffed ourselves crazy. I'm hoping that this post finds you as thankful as we are and that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
I continue to think of the birth parents who are struggling with the decisions they will be making. As anxious as I am to be chosen, I keep in mind that there is someone out there who will make our dream come true and I must be patient....as hard as it is! :)
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